lately I've been feeling guilt. I feel guilt towards most of my friends, family and yeah everybody. why? well I made a mistake, few actually. first I thought that I should keep a distance towards everybody. I built this big and high wall so that no one can approach me or nether to do. I hate to hear words like "oh, I know that you're very strong" or "you can do it, no one can stop you." "you can win" ah! anything that sounds great but its actually killing me. I can't lie to myself. I know my own limit. people keep telling me this bullshit about how great I am or how well I am. well I'm not! I'm just me. a normal human being who have to work real hard till guts are out to achieved something. I'm no superman.
but, when I built this giant wall around me I started to feel lonely. before, my phone used to be loud. there's always text messages and phone call, yeah like every communication services. now, its like a silent hill or something. why did I do that? why? what am I try to prove of?
now, I can't even look myself in the mirror. I know I did something wrong. these people are not wrong. they were only try to help. try to support. but what have I done to them? I shut the door close and lock them. I'm sorry. I was wrong. I do need their support. I do need their help. I am very truly sorry.
